Supercharging your Self-Advocacy
My personal strategies to help me speak up when it feels hard
Author’s Note
Hello! I’m Abigayle, an AI Product Manager working in tech. I’m deeply passionate about helping students and professionals alike reach their fullest potential as a leader and more. Years of bullying drove me to rebuild my self-confidence, and today, I feel called to share what I’ve learned—and continue to learn—through a series of reflective articles on leadership, career, and self-development, infused with personal growth.
Have you ever tried to avoid eye contact from your grade school teacher when they called for volunteers to write on the whiteboard?
Or were you the student who would raise your hand first when asked for volunteers?
For many of us, being in the spotlight feels terrifying. You experienced a crushing sense of fear to perform in front of others. You hated asking questions in class, mandatory participation exercises, and the dreaded activity of "write your answer to question #3 on the whiteboard”.
If that’s relatable for you, you are definitely not alone. Source
For me, I was always naturally like the second student. If I felt stuck on a Computer Science homework assignment, I would do everything in my power to figure it out. To a degree, I felt like a mail carrier on a mission to delivery the end goal of a good grade on the assignment. However, every strength has a shadow and I have faced challenges when my go-getter attitude turned into more problems! I will also cover that as well, and the strategy to course correct if needed in a future article.
In today’s article, you will realize a unique power you already have: your voice. I will teach you two different methods to learn how to help overcome your fear of speaking in meetings, so that you can reduce stress, increase productivity, feel confident, and advance career opportunities.
And if you know me personally, I love using metaphors to explain a point :-)
The Scenario
Scenario: You are a corporate employee named Alice in an important virtual meeting with stakeholders. She needs to present some competitive insights to support her new project. But, Alice feels afraid to share her opinion and perspective because of not feeling good enough. She feel this way because she joined joined a couple weeks ago, so what value could she possibly provide?
Method 1: The Mail Carrier Approach
A mail carrier may also feel this sense of not being good enough when delivering your packages. But, their role has a specific, actionable goal: deliver mail to the address on the envelope. They take the recipient’s address, find the matching one, and deliver the parcel. If the address is incorrect, they return to the sender’s address. The carrier won’t throw the mail away under normal circumstances if the address is incorrect. If they don’t try to deliver the mail, then they won’t fulfill their goal, and consequently cause Bob from down the street to not get his electricity bill in time. While those feelings of inadequacy manifest naturally in a new environment, Alice should reframe her focus on the task at hand. She has the right to admit that she feels nervous (totally okay!), but she also has a duty to perform her job responsibilities. If she focuses too inward, she may not have a successful stakeholder meeting, and therefore continue a cycle of her shame and insecurity.
Takeaway: Focus on problem solving to achieve the goal rather than judging yourself about how to achieve the goal
As a Product Manager whose job entails driving clarity, getting alignment across different functions, and writing documents, I can’t let the label of only junior PM in the company get to my head. In contrast, I should not let the label of first junior PM get to my head either. Like a mail carrier, I learned that zeroing in on the outcome of the meeting actually builds courage to share my perspective, on Slack, and one-on-one. Below is a framework for how I get myself out of my own way:
Re-identify your role in the company → Product Manager
Identify the desired outcome → Present customer insights so that stakeholders can understand what to build next
Identify the value you provide → Your unique perspective
Internalize your human rights → You have the right to admit you are feeling nervous, and the right to take responsibility for your actions
Your thoughts shape your reality → if Alice doesn’t try to fulfill the desired outcome, then this potentially helpful feature won’t get built, and customers might feel less satisfied!
I understand the fear associated with sharing your perspective. In some situations, you may have little to share. As a Product Manager, I took this second approach in a meeting with stakeholders whose background I didn’t have context on. As a result of participating with method 2, I felt empowered and confident that I still helped the team succeed, even if I did not have any strong perspectives to share at the time.
Method 2: The Newspaper Journalist Approach
A newspaper journalist must go on a truth-seeking journey to understand what facts need reporting on. They focus on asking questions, documenting observations, and researching on the topic in order to ultimately create an article. Journalists like these don’t need to share their opinion in writing or to the interviewee. In future meetings, Alice can use this method to understand what problem she needs to solve for. Suppose she needs to do a competitive analysis of beverage companies. She must find all the information she needs before she forms a perspective. It doesn’t matter how much she knows, she must find the answers by asking questions. Hence, Alice focuses learning rather than her competency, resulting in a more productive work day.
Takeaway: Focus your mind on understanding the problem and solving the problem rather than judging your own competency
As a Product Manager, I constantly seek out new opportunities and uncover potential solutions to painful customer problems. I use this method to guide a successful work day and a principle to always follow. I approach this method critically in the following way:
What do I currently understand about this problem?
What do I feel unsure/confused/skeptical about?
Who should I ask to feel less unsure/confused/skeptical?
Benefits of Each Approach
I have high standards for myself. When I used to make a small error, I would ruminate on the slight mistake for hours while I cooked and cleaned. After talking to a mentor of mine, I realized focusing on my goals rather than criticizing myself magically alleviated the pressure. While I still strive to grow everyday, micromanaging yourself actually stunts your growth. Voicing my unique perspective and striving to ask more questions created a world of opportunities for me. I boosted my productivity, built healthy work relationships, developed innovative solutions, and strengthened my self-confidence.
Each approach requires some level of courage and dedication. But I believe anyone can channel fear into action, so that they can become inspiring, strong leaders. If you focus on one step at a time, you can unlock more career opportunities and shut the door on the limitations of fear.
Further Resources to Grow
Find mentors on personal development → https://bobatalks.com/
Read more on this issue → https://medium.com/swlh/afraid-to-speak-up-for-yourself-me-too-heres-the-secret-to-doing-it-anyway-7f9c78f1b905
Schedule a 1:1 with me → https://topmate.io/abigayleryuwei/1120271
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